Fire Emblem Contract
by Leons-shadow7
Summary: The application form that the members of the Fire Emblem Universe have to sign before being put into a game. Somewhat comical. STILL TAKING REQUESTS. 8th contract up
1. Regular Contract

Well, this idea just came to me one day. (well, today actually.) This is the application form that a FE character signs when they join the FE universe. Well, enjoy and don't forget to write! Knoll: Hey...I remember signing this!

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**PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING AND INDICATE YOUR ACCEPTANCE OF OUR TERMS BY SIGNING IN THE SPACE BELOW**

I certify that all the information provided by me, whether on this document or not, is true and complete, and I understand that any misstatement, falsification or omission of information shall be completely ignored and I will be hired on the spot.

I understand that as a condition of employment, I will be required to provide legal or illegal badges to work in the Fire Emblem universe

I understand that the Fire Emblem Universe requires all males who are 18 through 25 to have a dramatic background and or an honorable nature (does not apply to staff-appointed spots) and are required to register with the Fire Emblem Service to present either proof of registration or just a shiny sword/lance/axe upon hire.

I understand that the FE Academy will check with the Fire Emblem Department of War and/or the Fire Emblem Secret Thief Investigation Service for any criminal history in accordance with importance to the storyline.

I understand that being evil, character stats, and script may be viewed on the FE Academy Department of War web page at being evil, character stats and script. And brochures are available from the Laguz resources department.

I authorize any of the persons or organizations referenced, and I release all such parties from being responsible for your injuries while in contract, which may result from agreeing to be a member of the Fire Emblem Universe.

With few exceptions, you have the right to request any and all information that you don't really know about yourself through the storyline though you may not be provided with answers from the person you ask it from. You are entitled to ask, but might not receive. You also have the right to yell LIAR at any or all villains that send out false information about you.

Fire Emblem law requires a 90-in-game day waiting period before new recruits are eligible to enroll in the benefits of the elixir/vulnerary health program.

The Fire Emblem Academy is in no way responsible for your death; whether it be part of the storyline or not.

You are also entitled to having strange hair, a really cool weapon and a hot sister or brother that many fans will write many incest fics about.

**SIGN**

**THIS APPLICATION MUST BE SIGNED HERE:**

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And...that's the end of it. Short I know, but it's based off of a real application sheet. So...now that i've got nothing to say but please review and you can suggest other types of characters or classes to write an application form about. (i.e. swordmasters, archers, mages...) Heh, it's like my poem thing re-born. But I'll be waiting so ciao.


	2. Villain Contract

Hi! I just got back from KC. I am SO glad to get back on the computer. I can finally get back to typing. Anyways, by request, this is the villain's contract for fire emblem. The other was a general contract. (no, not the character class idiot.) Well, read and enjoy.

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PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING AND INDICATE YOUR ACCEPTANCE OF OUR TERMS BY SIGNING IN THE SPACE BELOW**

I certify that all the information provided by me, is false and badass sounding, and I understand that any misstatement (A.K.A anything not real)of information shall be overlooked as I have the uber shiny weapon or 1337 destructive magic that all villains are required to have and no one wants to tell me I'm wrong for fear of being choped into bit-sized pieces or dissapearing from this plane of existance.

I understand that as a condition of being employed, I will be required to providepaperwork proving my point as a villain or resort to threats to getto work in the Fire Emblem universe.

I understand that the Fire Emblem Universe requires all males who are 18and older to have a dramaticaly boring background or a back-stabbing, sneaky, cowardly yet smart demeanor and are required to speak with the Fire Emblem Bad-guys Association upon registration into the plot to learn how cruel or just plain wierd I am to be. Or, again, resort to threats to work my way up.

I understand that the FE Academy will check with the Fire Emblem Department ofStarting Wars, and or, the Fire Emblem Evil Villainy and Plot Importance Association to find out when or if I am killed off or am important to the story.

I understand that the villain, arch-villain and cheesy villain pick-up lines will be sent via mail to my home from the Fire Emblem Evil Villainy and Plot Importance Association (again) and also recieve a free catalogue from the dragons and demons department.

I authorize that all of the organizations recognized through this contract may indulge in a villainous plot-twist at any time in the story. (be it an injury or a wierd secret about you.) be cause we are the Fire Emblem Association and we can do whatever we want.

With few exceptions, you have the right to request backup that may not come to you along with any information about the status of your enemies (A.K.A. the good guys) and may resort to threats even if it gets you nothing in return. You also have the rights to change your death quote via alterations in the story-line that may occur for no reason whatsoever.

Fire Emblem law requiresthat villains cannot enlist in the elixir/vulnerary health program, but are handed a single elixir and are instantaneously placed in front of a gate that heals you a whopping 4 health each turn.

The Fire Emblem Academy is in no way responsible for you being horribly maimed, exploded, imploded, bleeding out, being squashed by someone bigger than you ect. BECAUSE THE BAD GUYS ALWAYS LOSE IN THE END!

You are also for no reason, entitled to have un-natural eye colors (something most other character classes can't do.) and having an unnecesary relation with one of the hero characters. (father, mother, sister, brother, cousin, wife, husband, boyfriend or girlfriend.)

If you are one of the above mentioned, then you will be a total wuss when faced against them.

**SIGN**

**THIS APPLICATION MUST BE SIGNED HERE: **

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I don't really think I did so hot on this one. Really. We're all entitled to our opinions but I didn't really like it. I won't argue if you say it's good though. ciao. 


	3. Hero Contract

This was another request from another person. (actually one requested it first, and another person requested the same thing.) So here's the heroes contract.

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**PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING AND INDICATE YOUR ACCEPTANCE OF OUR TERMS BY SIGNING IN THE SPACE BELOW**

I can, and will prove,that all the information provided by me, on this document, is true and complete, and I understand that any falsifications are not possible because I am hero, hear me roar.

I understand that as a condition of employment, I will be required to provide an intricate history of why I am good or a shiny promotional item in order to be hired within the first 5 minutes of being in the FE 'verse.

I understand that the Fire Emblem Universe requires allFEmales who are 18 through 25 to have an insignificant backgroundand be asshy or slutty as possible(does not apply to braniacs as there has to be at least one.) and are required to register with the Fire Emblem Heroin Services in order to be included and have your own plot line.

I understand that the FE Academy will check with the Fire Emblem Carbon-Copy Experts Society to make sure that, according to the plot, you are a real, living, breathing, being. Not just some very realistic Carbon Copy of that person.

I understand that being angsty, having sucky starting stats, andarmor (for guys)skimpy outfits (for girls) are provided by the Fire Emblem Super Make-over department which is supervised by the Mamkute Material Resources Service.

I authorize others to make mean comments about me because since I am the hero, I get to decapitate/horribly maim them later.

With few exceptions, it is quite possible that you will learn stuff about your history later on as the story progresses. It is also liable, as a hero, that you will witness the death of/kill someone who is very dear to you whether it be on purpose or not. But hey, we're just the staff so we don't really care.

Fire Emblem law requiresthat all joining heroesbe enrolled in the elixir/vulnerary AND anti-toxin health program and is appointed a free vulnerary upon joining. (or two in special occassions.)

The Fire Emblem Academy is not responsible for the death of heroes. Except for the main character. Upon which time there is a glitch in the space-time continuum and all life as we know it is reset so that the main character doesn't die and the game progresses as normal.

If I am the main hero, it is imperative thatI have atleast one living relative. There are very few exceptions to this rule. Atleast half of the party members must have a relative of some sort.

If I am the main hero, it is also imperative that I am on some crazy quest that I somehow got dragged into by the whims of fate and am most likely the child of a royal family.

**SIGN**

**THIS APPLICATION MUST BE SIGNED HERE: **

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Ahh...I feel MUCH better about this one. (part 7, the one about killing a loved one or witnessing their death, was suggested by Kusabi Makabe.) Ciao 


	4. Magician Contract

Okay! Back up and rarin' to go! I know that It's been a long time since I've done the FE contracts, and that it was very short-lived; so I many be a bit rusty. I bet this'll be a long shot, but I'm going to try and fulfill a request that was made long ago shortly before I put the contracts on hold. Sages.

Disclaimer: I do not in any way shape or form own any part of the FE universe...except for maybe these contracts. Muahaha

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**PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING AND INDICATE YOUR ACCEPTANCE OF OUR TERMS BY SIGNING IN THE SPACE BELOW**

I certify that all the information provided by me, whether on this document or not, is (possibly) true and complete, and I understand that any misstatement, falsification or omission of information shall be ignored because the staff is afraid of being fried by your magical powers.

I understand that as a condition of employment, I will be required to provide proof that I didn't steal some sort of magical charm from someone else enabling me to use magic. I'm a REAL mage.

I understand that the Fire Emblem Universe requires all males who are 18 through 25 to have a mysterious background as an apparent asset of being a magic user and quite possibly have the most normal hair of every other party member that's going on these insane adventures.

I understand that the FE Academy will check with the Fire Emblem Department of Shiny Magical Things to see if I'm going to start out as a good character or as an evil character who really doesn't want to be evil and join in at the last second when it's impossible to get any good training to lv. 1 mages.

I understand that the type of magic I'm going to be using (light, dark, anima or staves) will be randomly selected by the super special FE talking monkey that works in solitary confinement on level B2 of the FE academy.

I authorize any of the persons or organizations referenced, and I release all such parties from being responsible for your injuries while in contract, which may result from throwing yourself in danger for some stranger while you could just hide behind someone else to cast your magic because of your sucky defense stats.

With few exceptions, you have the right to randomly destroy monsters and other people as a testament to your magical ability. You will most likely score a critical hit on your first try while you're not a part of the main party.

You are entitled to be randomly dragged into some long and tedious task that really had nothing to do with you in the first place. Don't try suing us. It won't work.

As an eligible magic user, you are not entitled to the vulnerary/elixir health plan because half of your kind already know how to use magical healing staves and it it would be a waste of our money to try backing you up anyways.

The Fire Emblem Academy is in no way responsible for your death; whether it be part of the storyline or not. You are also entitled to have no relation what-so-ever to anyone else in the party and being overly-nice.

**SIGN**

** THIS APPLICATION MUST BE SIGNED HERE:**

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Weeeeell...I'm not sure if I did a good job. It doesn't seem like a good job to me, but maybe it's because I'm rusty. Please tell me what you think! (R&R)

Ciao!**  
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	5. Prepromo Contract

Yay! Suggestions! Well...anyways...here's the next installation of my FE contracts as requested by the ever awesome Kusabi Makabe :)

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** PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING AND INDICATE YOUR ACCEPTANCE OF OUR TERMS BY SIGNING IN THE SPACE BELOW**

I certify that all the information provided by me, whether on this document or not, is true and complete, and I understand that any misstatement, falsification or omission of information shall be completely ignored because I'm just too good to lie like that.

I understand that as a condition of employment, I will be required to provide a promotional item so that I can become a prepromote before the game even starts.

I understand that the Fire Emblem Universe requires all males who are 18 through 25 to have an honorable and extremely trusting disposition that can in no way, shape, or form impede my judgment upon letting my leader lead us into a trap.

I understand that the FE Academy will check with the Fire Emblem Department of War and/or the Fire Emblem Pre-Promotional Society to determine if I'm going to hog all of the EXP.

I understand that, as being a prepromote, I will be one of the cheapest characters for the first half of the game; having the best stats, enemies naturally being drawn to me, and, of course, taking for god freaking ever to level up.

I authorize any of the persons or organizations referenced, and I release all such parties from being responsible for your injuries while in contract...except for the wyvern farm...it's always the wyvern farm.

With few exceptions, you have the right to request the love and companionship of any princes/princesses that you will be accompanying throughout the entire journey.

You are entitled to keep certain important secrets about the main character or any other characters close to the main character and only tell them something of utter importance that they should've known anyways in the even that you think you're going to die. You also get to call the bad-guys villainous curs.

Fire Emblem law requires that you automatically enroll in the Vulnerary+ health program before being introduced into the game. After all...you're the least likely to get hurt, so you have a better health plan.

The Fire Emblem Academy is in no way responsible for your death; whether it be part of the storyline or not. You are entitled to being the cheapest and best character there is until other units start to change classes. You will also have the best weapons when the game starts.

**SIGN **

**THIS APPLICATION MUST BE SIGNED HERE:**

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Well...that's prepromotes for you. I hope I did a good job on it! R&R? (puppy-dog eyes)

Ciao.**  
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	6. Fell Contract

Right. Next on the list is...Thieves and assassins! (as requested by Kusabi via review) Enjoy.

Disclaimer: crap, I always forget to put these up. For every time I didn't say this, I'm saying it. I do not, repeat, DO NOT own Fire emblem; though I sorely wished that I did

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** PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING AND INDICATE YOUR ACCEPTANCE OF OUR TERMS BY SIGNING IN THE SPACE BELOW**

I certify that all the information provided by me, whether on this document or not, is false and incomplete; because if I gave TRUE information about myself...well...the authorities would find me much quicker, wouldn't they?

I understand that as a condition of employment, I will be required to provide illegal badges and a/or a sword with a high critical-hit rate that somehow transforms into a dinky little dagger when I hold it.

I understand that the Fire Emblem Universe requires all males who are 18 through 25 to have an insignificant background because if you're taking this position, no one will care what your background is. You'll probably also be cheeky during the beginning of the game and later on become badass.

I understand that the FE Academy will check with the Fire Emblem Secret Thief Investigation Service and the Manakete Material Resources to get me my customary weird outfit and stalking lessons.

I understand that I am allowed at least one mission where my name will show up on the character list/I'll be there, but I'll also be 'MIA' because I've got my own matters to attend to elsewhere.

I authorize any of the persons or organizations referenced, and I (will not) release all such parties from being responsible for your (the staff's) injuries while in contract, which may result from agreeing to let me be a thief/assassin and allowing me to practice stalking in the Academy's hallways.

With few exceptions, you have the right to be a virtual parasite that's nagging on a certain some one (and vice-versa), be it a person you've never seen before or someone that's known you practically all your life.

You are entitled to not say anything to some one who asks something of you. After all, why should you risk your life for someone you've just barely met when there's a nice looking treasure chest over in that far corner, away from the baddies?

Fire Emblem law requires that thieves and (in occasions when vulnerary shippings are late) assassins do NOT participate in the vulnerary/elixir health program because they're supposed to have really high luck anyways. (all writers of this document are currently on stalker protection programs.)

The Fire Emblem Academy is in no way responsible for your death; whether it be part of the storyline or not. You are also entitled to having almost no personality what-so-ever and having a companion who's nothing like you. So we win.

**SIGN**

** THIS APPLICATION MUST BE SIGNED HERE **

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Weeeeellll...that was fun. R&R please? (I couldn't resist naming this after the item used for thieves to change classes XD)

Ciao.


	7. Perverted Contract

Here we go. The pervert contract as requested by Ultimate Aries. For all of the FE characters that like to hit on the ladies.

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**PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING AND INDICATE YOUR ACCEPTANCE OF OUR TERMS BY SIGNING IN THE SPACE BELOW**

I certify that all the information provided by me, whether on this document or not, is filled out in the way that makes me sound the most perverted because I have the power to turn anything you say against you and make it sound wrong.

I understand that as a condition of employment, I will be required to hit on at least 6 girls, if I'm still alive after that, then I get the job.

I understand that the Fire Emblem Universe requires all males who are 18 through 25 to have at least semi-good looks so that whenever I hit on someone their eyes won't burn away and then they turn to stone. I am entitled to act like a complete moron and a scoundrel.

I understand that the FE Academy will check with the Fire Emblem Hopeless Romantics department so that from then on when I hit on someone they don't have the right to kill me on the spot

I understand that, being me, I will at least have PASSABLE character stats so that even though my personality is probably going to end up being dirt, I'll at least be able to kill the bad guys with relative ease.

I authorize any of the persons or organizations referenced, and I release all such parties from being responsible for your injuries while hitting on every female character in sight; which MAY happen as a result of you taking this position.

With few exceptions, you have the right to request any and all information that you don't really know about all of the female characters and guarantee them things that you probably can't really guarantee in the first place. You are permitted at least 1 honorable act which may in turn make someone actually like you.

You also have the right to say unethical romantic things that none of the other characters would think of saying in the first place because there's minimal romance in their personality chips.

Fire Emblem law requires a 60-in-game day waiting period before hopeless romantics are able to enlist in the pervert protection+ program for treating wounds inflicted by the girls when you hit on them.

The Fire Emblem Academy is in no way responsible for your death; whether it be part of the storyline or not. It can only be your fault if all of the major and minor female characters in the game decide to castrate you and then kill you a slow and horrible death. Yes. It's your fault. Not ours for hiring you in the first place.

** SIGN**

** THIS APPLICATION MUST BE SIGNED HERE: **

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Wow. Hitting on people was VERY over-used in this one, wasn't it? I don't think that I did very good on this, but you all may think differently and I won't stop you from thinking that way if you do. R&R? 

Ciao.


	8. Royal Contract

Okay. Lords chapter as requested by Sagewolf. (plus I wanted to do a lord's one anyhow. XD)

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**PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING AND INDICATE YOUR ACCEPTANCE OF OUR TERMS BY SIGNING IN THE SPACE BELOW**

I certify that all the information provided by me, whether on this document or not, is as royal sounding as possible; because this IS a document to make me a prince/princess, right?

I understand that as a condition of employment, I will be required to be as lordly as possible without wearing a jewel encrusted crown. Wearing a crown just makes too much sense. People don't need to SEE that I'm superior to them. They should just know.

I understand that the Fire Emblem Universe requires all males who are 18 through 25 to have at least ONE living relative. Be it a sister, brother, mother, father or uncle.

I understand that the FE Academy will check with the Fire Emblem Royalty Association to figure out my lordly importance to the story. Hopefully it's a good role, because if you're an evil prince/princess you'll be killed within' the next 20 or so chapters of game-play.

I understand that, as a condition of employment I will draw a random weapon name out of the RWG (Random weapon generator) hat in the FE Academy to determine whether or not I get a really powerful, badass weapon, or something really cheap and weak that has a passable critical-hit rate that'll never land me any critical hits anyhow. (the previous statement was in NO possible way referring to the Rapier. Nope. Not at all)

I authorize any of the persons or organizations referenced, and I release all such parties from being responsible for your injuries while pretending to be an important character in the story.

With few exceptions, you have the right to request any and all information about the opposing forces so that you have the slightest chance of victory when your tactician/smart party member finds the gaping hole in the enemy's defense that no one ever seemed to see prior to their mentioning it.

You also have the right to say that the truth isn't, in fact, true because hey, you're royalty. And what you say, goes.

Fire Emblem law requires that you're automatically enlisted in the Mend Staff health insurance plan because if we didn't spend all of our money taking care of the lords that end up becoming powerhouses if people would actually take time to level them up, we'd have to spend more time on shudder minor character development.

The Fire Emblem Academy is in no way responsible for your death; whether it be part of the storyline or not, because it can't actually happen. You're the most important character in the game, and we say you can't drop dead even if you want to. (refer to section 1 for 'space-time-continuum glitch')

** SIGN**

** THIS APPLICATION MUST BE SIGNED HERE: **

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I think I did okay on that. I hope the people that read this think so too. R&R plz. I have cookies. 

Ciao. (P.S. Coming up is a special contract personally requested through PM by a good friend. Any new requests will be handled after this special contract.)


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